To mend a damaged connection, you must demonstrate that you are open, accountable, and trustworthy. Make time to communicate with your mate and create closeness. Seeking expert assistance can also help.
Even the strongest partnerships endure problems, as you've probably heard a million times.
Establishing a happy, healthy connection requires effort and may not always be simple, especially when trust has been broken. "Issues are a normal part of life and being in a relationship," says clinical psychologist Stone Kraushaar. "And the idea is not to dwell on the past, but to work together to build something worthwhile."
So, how do you go about doing that? Here are some pointers to get you started, whether you're coping with the aftermath of a betrayal or attempting to maintain a long-distance relationship.
When trust is destroyed, there is a schism in the connection. It may be difficult to confront these difficulties, but ignoring them will not benefit anyone in the long term.
1. Accept whole responsibility if you are at fault.
If there has been infidelity or trust has been shattered, it is critical to accept full responsibility for what occurred and to understand how your actions harmed your spouse.
Resist being defensive or avoiding your error, but also avoid self-loathing. "You should own it in a compassionate way that allows you to begin to reestablish trust," Kraushaar adds.
2. Give your mate a chance to regain your trust.
While you have every right to be wounded and furious, you should also want to work on your relationship.
"Trust can never be repaired until the one who shattered it gives their partner the opportunity to earn it back," Kraushaar says.
3. Demonstrate extreme transparency
Kraushaar advises couples to be "radically candid" with each other about what has wounded them rather than suppressing their feelings. This entails actually putting everything out there, even if acknowledging some things makes you feel ridiculous or self-conscious.
If you're the one who violated the trust, this also includes being completely candid with yourself about what led you to do so. Was it merely an error of judgement? Or was it an attempt to undermine a situation you couldn't get out of ?
4. Seek professional assistance
Everyone in the partnership might suffer as a result of broken trust.
Consider consulting with a trained therapist who specialises in relationships and can give direction for healing if there has been a severe breakdown.
5. Keep expectations in check
Set ground rules with your spouse that take into consideration your exclusivity and commitment to one other.
Being honest and forthright about your expectations from the start might help to avoid problems later on.
6. Maintain a consistent schedule of visits
"It's critical that couples are aware of and have scheduled visits so that they can look forward to those times and prepare to make them memorable," says Kraushaar. In fact, studies have shown that long-distance relationships with a scheduled reunion are less stressful and more gratifying.
7. Don't let your life revolve entirely around your lover.
While it is crucial to focus on maintaining connection in a long-distance relationship, it should not dominate you.
No matter how much you miss the other person, don't neglect other aspects of your life. Maintain your hobbies and interests - a successful and healthy relationship requires each partner to be their own person.
8. Schedule a weekly "couples meeting."
Kraushaar suggests setting up a certain period each week for you and your partner to discuss more tough things such as money, sex, and trust so that they don't permeate all of your interactions.
9. Spend time with friends who are not part of your relationship.
Spending time with friends may improve your own mental health and help you establish your personal identity.
Remember that being connected to your partner entails living a life apart from your partnership.
10. Make loving physical touch with others
Kraushaar advises couples to hug one other in a totally present and connected manner on a frequent basis. Touching hands or embracing generates oxytocin, which might help you relax and feel better.
If you and your partner aren't on good terms right now, this may be easier said than done. Begin slowly - merely putting your hand on theirs might demonstrate that you still care.
11. Listen intently
You're not truly listening if you find yourself crafting a retort in your thoughts while your significant other is speaking. "You're preparing to protect yourself or go to combat," Czajkowska explains.
"Winning" an argument is never genuinely winning, she says. "If your spouse believes they have lost, this will likely lead to increased estrangement, tension, and anger, and in the long run, you will lose as well."
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There is no simple solution here. Finally, you'll need to consider if the relationship is worth the work that's necessary to restore it from a low point.
It's also a good idea to make sure that everyone involved is dedicated to saving the relationship. Reconciliation is unlikely if you are the only one prepared to put forth the effort.
